Hopeless
by Vivere Sine Timore
Summary: It was dark and cold in the tiny room I had been forced into. There was so much pain. I didn't know how long I'd been missing, but I knew I wasn't going to escape. Not this time. T for dark themes and mentions of torture.
1. Chapter 1

AN: Alrighty, so I noticed that so far there's only one story here for this fandom. Which, quite honestly, is very sad. So this is my solution: writing another story. One that most likely will suck, but hey. I'm used to that. I'm pretty sure this will turn out Mal/Natara, but we'll see where it goes.

Anyway, this first chapter turned out a bit darker than I thought it would, and I'm a bit nervous about posting it. Please tell me what you think. So here it is...

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><p>It was so dark.<p>

I shivered against the cold wooden floor, desperate to stay warm. The door slammed open, and I flinched, curling in on myself even more. A wide patch of floor was illuminated and fell on my face. Squinting against the brightness, I barely noticed the pain as I was lifted from the floor.

When I was returned to the room, I was barely conscious. How long had this gone on for? Six days? Seven? I didn't know anymore. I'd lost track, especially since I hadn't seen daylight except for the times I was taken from the room.

I had no plan. No tricks up my sleeve: no phone, no gun, no witty comments. Well, correction, I had witty comments. I just couldn't say them out loud. I'd lost my voice a while back, somewhere between overuse and a few bouts of near strangulation.

There was no way I was making it out of here. Not alive, anyway.

...

I jerked awake at the sound of glass breaking. I hadn't even noticed that I'd drifted off. I braced myself mentally for the door to creak open, for the blinding light and the pain. I don't know how long I stayed there, cringing away from the door. All was silent on the other side.

I knew I shouldn't have gone looking for Miller on my own. Mal and Ken and Amy all told me that it was a suicide mission, and that I would get myself killed. I went looking for him anyway. But honestly, the guy was selling drugs, and he was targeting kids! There had already been three deaths, and everyone had wanted to catch this guy, this Senan Miller. He was the worst kind of scum to crawl the earth, and he needed to be caught. I'd simply taken it upon myself to see to it that this man was put behind bars, where he belonged.

I'd been so careful. I'd waited till night, when I'd have the cover of darkness. I'd parked a ways away from the store that I believed Miller was using as a cover-up. I'd double-checked and triple-checked that no one was around before approaching the building. I'd made sure that my gun was loaded and that the safety was off. I'd silently slipped through the shadows over to the window and peered in. There was pain, and then I woke up in the trunk of a car.

Stupid hunch. Well, it was a great hunch, but it was stupidity on my part for not telling anyone where I was going. I could imagine Mal crossing his arms and frowning at me, telling my off about how idiotic and impulsive my plan was. He'd remind me that I was supposed to be the rational one.

There was more noise on the other side and I sighed wearily. Apparently Senan was having a bad day. And when Senan had a bad day that meant my day would be infinitely worse. I'd already seen him once today. Did he really have to bring me back out?

I frowned; actually, I heard a lot of noise outside the door. Shouting, swearing... Was there a fight going on?

The door swung open, and two figures stood in the doorway. So Senan had brought along a friend for this round. My eyes snapped closed against the brightness, and I heard one stride over to where I lay. I simply remained lying on the floor, to tired to lift my head. A wild thought flitted through my mind; was this similar to what Neha went through when she was abducted, held and tortured by Genevieve Collins?

As I braced myself for whatever torture was coming my way I could only think of Neha, of my baby sister who I would most likely never see again. I despised Miller with all of my being for taking me away from my family and friends and everyone I cared about. As the footsteps stopped in front of me, I felt the person kneel next to me and I dared to open my eyes the tiniest bit. I blinked, the only sign of surprise I was capable of showing at the moment. Officer Joe Bartaugh.

"Miss? Are you okay?" I felt him brush my hair out of my face at the same time the other officer found the light switch. As the lights flickered on Joe jerked his hand back as if he had been burned and I blinked against the light.

"SWEET MOTHER OF-! Call an ambulance! Now! It's Natara!"

There were hurried footsteps and hopeful voices and I shrunk back as far as I could.

"Oh, God..." a voice I recognized as the Captain Yeong's as she entered the room.

Another set of footsteps. Another voice, this one hesitant, afraid to even hope. "Is it-?"

They were voices I had prayed I would get to hear another time, ones that I'd been hesitant to replay in my mind because of the crippling despair I'd felt when I knew the odds were against them finding me.

The worried and concerned faces that surrounded me were blissfully familiar. Captain Yeong and Mal stepped further into the room and replaced Officer Bartaugh at my side. My eyes lingered on Mal's for a moment, taking in the worry and concern that were etched clearly on his face.

I closed my eyes, refusing to look at them again, ignoring their pleas for me to respond, to open my eyes again.

I was hallucinating. They weren't really here. They were simply hallucinations. No more, no less. My mind had finally snapped and was torturing me by showing me the impossible. I'd accepted my fate, albeit reluctantly; but I knew I would not escape this place.

It had been easy to imagine their voices and see their faces after a few days of being here. I'd just refused to do it for so long. I knew it was a very thin line to tread, to fantasize that my friends were near, to having a hallucination. I hadn't wanted that. My body was broken, but my mind was not.

"Natara, please open your eyes."

Until now, anyway.

"Special Agent Williams, you need to answer us."

This couldn't be real.

Then again, if this was a hallucination, maybe the end was near. Maybe this was all about to be over, finally. Maybe I could spend my last moments among my friends.

My eyes slowly opened.


	2. Chapter 2

AN: Two chapters in 24 hours? Whaaaaaat?

I've decided that I'll flip back and forth between Natara's POV and Mal's for each chapter. So since the last one was in Natara's, this one will be in Mal's.

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><p>She was alive. Natara was alive. She was cut and bruised and beaten almost beyond recognition, but she was alive and breathing. And that was more than anyone had dared to hope for.<p>

She'd been gone for eleven days. For eleven days, we'd searched high and low for her. It was Amy who had managed to track her phone to a trashcan just outside of town. The seventh day was when we'd all pretty much given up hope of finding her alive.

I quickly crossed the tiny room and knelt by her side. The room Miller had kept her in was tiny, about the size of a large closet. There were no windows and it was cluttered with junk; old newspapers, empty beer bottles, trash. I think I even spotted a few bricks and refused to think what those could have been used for.

She seemed so dazed and unfocused, so unlike her normal self. When she closed her eyes, an indescribable panic seized me. I was sure that we'd gotten to her to late, that she'd managed to hold on long enough to see her rescuers but not to be rescued.

"Natara, please open your eyes," I begged, fighting to keep my fear from flooding into my voice.

"Special Agent Williams, you need to answer us." There was still no response. I sadly let out the breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding. As I began to stand up, I realized her eyes were open again.

"Where's that ambulance?" Captain Yeong demanded, turning back to the door.

"It's about ten minutes out," one of the uniforms replied. I wasn't so sure she could hold on for that long. Seeing my partner shiver, I ripped my jacket off and reached out to cover her with it. She flinched and shrunk back, and I immediately felt horribly guilty. I hadn't thought about what she'd gone through for the past week and a half. When she saw someone reaching out to her, she probably connected it with pain and fear instead of comfort.

I drew back my hands quickly, not wanting to frighten her. I simply knelt there, trying in any way to assure her that I would never hurt her. Her hand twitched by her side, then slowly, shakily, began to reach towards my own hand. I held perfectly still, letting her decide whether or not to close the distance. As our hands connected, a small smile flitted across her face.

When the paramedics lifted her onto the stretcher, her face contorted in pain, her mouth opening in a silent scream of agony. I even grabbed one by the sleeve and yelled at him to be careful. I tailed the stretcher all the way to the ambulance, where they blocked my way. As my temper flared again, Ken grabbed my shirt and pushed me into his car.

"It ain't worth it, Mal," He told me as he shoved the keys into the ignition and twisted them. We went flying down the road after the ambulance. I gripped my head in my hands. If only I'd insisted on going with her to find Miller. If only I'd gone with her, or stopped her, or _something. _If only I'd done something, maybe she wouldn't be in this condition.

The doctors wouldn't allow us in Natara's room for a while. I paced uneasily in the waiting room as Ken, Amy and Kai watched. Captain Yeong had gone back to the precinct after we found Natara. The minutes seemed to stretch on for eternity, and finding things to do to occupy my mind was difficult.

I settled for imagining Miller's trial. Not only would he be going to jail for selling drugs to minors, and thus causing three deaths, he would also be charged with the kidnapping and assault of a Federal Agent. My fists clenched. If she didn't make it...

I shoved the thought from my head, pounding my fist against the wall. But it was too late. The thought was already implanted in my mind and had begun to grow. If she didn't make it, Miller would be charged with second-degree murder. The SFPD would feel like it was missing someone. Natara would leave behind a crater-sized hole in my life. She was one of my best friends; I trusted no one more than her and Ken. If she didn't make it, Miller was a dead man.

"Are the four of you here for Miss Williams?" I glanced over my shoulder to see an impossibly young doctor staring at us. I lowered my hand and turned to her as Ken, Amy and Kai stood up.

"How is she? Will she be alright?" Amy asked, stepping closer to the doctor. The doctor peered at her clipboard for a second.

"Miss Williams was extremely dehydrated and malnourished," she began. "She has a fractured wrist, a few cracked ribs, lacerations all over her body, and a severe concussion. The problem with her broken bones was that they were days old. The had set incorrectly, so we needed to re-break them." I closed my eyes as I tried to block out her words. I didn't want to imagine them re-breaking Natara's bones or her pain.

"Are we allowed to see her?" I heard myself ask.

"Yes, but only one or two at a time. She needs to rest, and more than two may overwhelm her."

"What room?" I demanded.

"Room 217, but sir, she's-" But I was already brushing past her. I strode quickly down the halls, checking each room number as I went. Her door was closed, the black numbers staring me in the face. As much as I wanted to see her, to know for certain that she was here and alive and (for the most part) well, I couldn't bring myself to open the door. I stood there battling with myself, trying to make my hand reach out and open the door. I jumped when a smaller hand touched my shoulder lightly.

"Mal? Are you alright?" I heard Amy ask.

"Fine," I responded gruffly. "I'm just fine." Amy attempted a smile at me before reaching out and pushing the door open. With one hand on my arm, I allowed her to guide me inside.


	3. Chapter 3

AN: Back to Natara's POV

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><p>I was reluctant to open my eyes. I'd been dreaming, the first time since being imprisoned in this tiny room. The details were fuzzy and vague, but I remembered. I had been dreaming of being rescued. I clung to the images, trying to persuade my body to go back to sleep. I wanted to go back to my dream and feel the freedom I remembered feeling. I wanted to dream about seeing the sky again. Mal had been there. I'd forgotten how handsome he was. Strange, how dreaming of him didn't hurt as much as I thought it would.<p>

As my mind grew clearer, I heard soft murmurs of voices somewhere nearby, probably whispering. I sighed. I knew it was futile to try and go back to sleep at this point. Still, I let my mind conjure up Mal's face one more time before I had to face Miller.

"Natara?"

My eyes snapped open and almost immediately landed on Amy.

"Hey there, partner."

_Mal? _I frowned. What was going on? I thought I had been dreaming. Was I really free? Had I really been rescued?

I lifted my hand, trying to remember the sign language letters my sister had taught me a while back. She'd gone through a phase where she'd thought that sign language was the coolest thing ever, and tried to teach me the alphabet. Mal frowned as my hands formed the letters. **_Real._**

"What?" he asked. "Natara, what is it?"

"She want's to know if this is real," Amy murmured. "She signed the word real."

Mal turned back to me, his eyes softening now that he understood the message. "Yeah, this is real. You're safe." I felt my face relax into a smile. I was really free then.

**_How long_**. I directed my question at Amy this time, knowing she would understand.

"You were missing for eleven days," she told me somberly. "We were so worried about you."

"You just about gave me a heart attack," Mal chimed in. "We had no idea where to start looking. Natara, why didn't you tell anyone where you were going? What were you thinking?" Mal sighed and ran a hand over his face. "I was so scared. I thought I'd lost you."

**_Sorry._**

"Natara, you don't have to apologize. We were just so scared." I smiled at Amy, glad that she was there. I noticed Mal gazing intensely at me; it made me slightly uncomfortable. I wanted to know why he was looking at me like that. As I raised my hand to sign some more, Mal spoke.

"Natara, why don't you just talk?" He asked gently. "You know by now that I don't understand sign language. Besides, they're going to want you to answer some questions later, you know that. Do you think you can do that for me?"

I smiled sadly and shook my head. Ah, Mal. You ask of me the one thing I can't do. As Mal's face darkened, I pointed to my throat as an explanation. Mal and Amy leaned closer, and though I didn't know exactly what they saw, I had a pretty good idea. Bruises in the shape of fingers, rope burns... I had especially despised those sessions, and I shuddered involuntarily.

Understanding crossed both of their faces within seconds. Amy gasped and her hand flew up to her mouth.

"Natara..." she breathed. "What did he do to you?"

"Oh, I am going to SHOOT him!" Mal exclaimed, his face growing darker. "That son of a-" I grinned and reached out to keep Mal from doing something stupid. My grin grew even bigger as he muttered to himself about Miller and where he'd like to stick his gun.

"Are you- Are you enjoying this?" He asked when he caught sight of my expression. I held my thumb and forefinger a fraction of an inch apart. _A little bit. _Mal cracked a small smile as well.

**_I didn't think I'd get to see any of you again._**

"None of us were sure if we'd get to see you again either, to be honest." Mal rolled his eyes at Amy.

"Well trust me. By the end of this week, you're gonna be sick of me."

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><p><strong>Please tell me what you think! Oh and I won't be able to post for a few days cause I'm going to visit my grandparents and they don't have Internet.<strong>


	4. Chapter 4

AN: I'm baaaaaack! D'ya miss me? Please say you missed me :P

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><p>I glanced over at Natara again, sitting in the passenger seat of my car. She was simply staring out the window at the trees flying by. A thick, awkward silence hung over us in the air.<p>

It had been two weeks since we'd found Natara, and she'd only just been released from the hospital today. The doctors said that she'd need someone to stay with her for a few weeks, so I'd offered to let her stay at my house. Her face had been unreadable when I'd volunteered.

The bruises were almost gone, and the scrapes and cuts were healing nicely. She'd gained back most of her motor skills, but still needed help walking. That wasn't the part that worried me, though.

In the two weeks that she was free, she'd yet to make a sound. At all. The swelling and bruising on her neck had gone down to almost a normal size, eliminating a medical reasoning. But there were still no words, no laughter. She depended solely on sign language and writing on a whiteboard to communicate.

I knew she battled with nightmares. A few times when I had visited her, she fell asleep. I knew the nightmares were intense, but she never made a sound throughout any of it. When that happened, I would hold her hand and try to soothe her until she either woke up or calmed down.

The car rolled to a stop in front of my apartment. I quickly got out and ran around to the passenger side to help Natara into the building. Once inside, I stood in the doorway as she observed my home.

I cleared my throat. "I got a whiteboard and a bunch of markers for you," I said awkwardly, nodding to the counter where they were. Natara smiled her thanks and I helped her cross the room to pick them up. As she wrote, I brought her bag in from my car and settled it in my bedroom. When I went back into the living room, she held out the board to me.

_'I really appreciate this, Mal'_ it read. I scratched the back of my neck.

"It's nothing, really," I muttered. There was a long pause. "There's only one bedroom here. I'll stay out here on the couch.

_'You don't have to do that'_ She scribbled quickly. _'I'll take the couch. It's your house, you should sleep in your bed.'_

My eyebrows knit together. "That's not an option, Natara. You're taking the bedroom." As she reached for the marker again, I grabbed her hand and guided it away. "My house, my rules," I smirked. Natara frowned at me, yanked her hand from my grip and whacked my shoulder with the whiteboard.

"What was that for?" I feigned hurt. She simply whacked me with the whiteboard again, crossed her arms and faced away from me.

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><p>I frowned as Natara crossed the living room and entered the kitchen. She had been staying with me for a week and could move on her own by now. But she still hadn't made a sound. I'd done everything I could to try and encourage her to talk. Once I'd even gone as far as hiding her whiteboard; it hadn't taken her long to find it.<p>

"What do you want for dinner?" I asked, following her into the kitchen. She uncapped the marker and I sighed. As she began to write, I plucked the marker from her hand and laid the whiteboard on the counter.

"Use your words," I told her gently. She stared at me defiantly for a moment before lifting her hand and spelling out a word. I sighed again and covered her hand with my own, pushing it down.

"Out loud, Natara," I frowned. "You know I don't understand sign language. So I need you to tell me what you want out loud. I know you can speak. Go ahead. Try and say something, Natara."

Her eyes opened wide and fear flashed across her face. She seemed to struggle for words before opening her mouth, as if to say something. Nothing came out. She began to shake as her mouth opened and closed.

"Natara..." I slowly reached out to her. Something snapped, and she bolted for my bedroom, stumbling a few times as she went. I quickly followed her, reaching the door as she slammed it shut. I could hear her panicked breathing just behind the door, and I rested my hand against the cold wooden surface.

"I'm sorry," I said softly. "I'm so sorry. Natara, you know I would never hurt you. I would never dream of it. Please, talk to me."


	5. Chapter 5

AN: This has nothing to do with the story, but I just got back from a carnival where I won a pair of fake handcuffs. And if I'm being honest... I felt really cool. XD

Anyways, for the note that IS relevant to the story, the beginning part of this chapter is a little dark... you were warned.

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><p>I heard Mal begging me to talk to him from the other side of the door. I simply rested my forehead against the door, trying to control my breathing. I glanced down at my hands, which were still shaking. I squeezed them into fists and then spread them out, watching numbly as they continued to tremble.<p>

For eleven days, my world had been confined to only two rooms: one I could only associate with pain, the other a pitch-black prison. I had felt like an animal, caged and imprisoned in a small cell. I could count the number of times I'd seen sunlight on one hand.

I thought that when I had been rescued, that I would be free. Free from the pain and the fear. And in a way, I was. I was no longer bound to a chair for hours on end, tortured until I was barely conscious. I wasn't confined to a small, dark room.

But in another way, I was still a prisoner. I still felt the fear I had felt when I was tortured. The memories seemed to grow stronger instead of fade away, like I had heard. And when Mal had tried to get me to talk, it brought up the memories I'd have liked to forget the most.

_"Go ahead, Agent. Try and say something now." The rope around my neck tightened, too tight; I was choking! I pawed weakly at his hands. "What's the matter? Cat got your tongue?" Black spots danced in the corners of my eyes as the rope was pulled even tighter. No! My hands flew to my neck, pulling at the rope in a futile attempt to loosen it... Miller's laugh seemed to echo as the darkness swallowed me._

I gasped for breath, snapping myself back to the present. Mal was banging on the door, his voice panicked as he shouted at me to open the door.

It hadn't taken Senan long to become fed up with my commentary. I knew he wasn't completely sane, not after the things he'd been doing to me. One day he'd just snapped as I carelessly spouted off something Mal would say... and after that...

I pressed my fists to my eyes, trying to block the memories out. When Mal had tried to get me to say something, I was right back in that room. Miller was laughing as I struggled to breathe. I could feel the rope around my neck again, cutting off my air, feel the sick, sinking feeling when I realized there was no escape.

I backed away from the door towards the bed, and the door splintered open as Mal kicked it in. I felt his arms snake around my shoulders and press my body close to his. He stroked my hair and murmured comforting words, but they fell on deaf ears.

_Go ahead, Agent. Try and say something now._

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><p>I strode confidently through the station doors, nodding to a few of the officers as I passed. Some looked surprised to see me, others just seemed confused. I was just about to head down to the crime lab when a hand fell on my shoulder.<p>

"Special Agent Williams, what do you think you're doing here?" Captain Yeong frowned at me as I half-smiled and shrugged. "I thought I told you to take a few more weeks off before coming back." I mentally kicked myself for leaving my whiteboard at Mal's apartment. I gave her my best pleading face, pouting just the tiniest bit. Captain Yeong smiled a little but refused to budge.

"Go home, Natara. There will be plenty for you to do _after_ you've recovered enough to do it." She patted my arm as she walked away. I waiting until she disappeared into her office before flying down the stairs and into the crime lab. Mal, Amy and Kai all looked up as the door swung open, their expressions ranging from shock to disapproval.

"Natara! You're back!" Amy exclaimed from where she sat at her computer.

"No, she's not," Mal said. "You're supposed to be at the apartment." I rolled my eyes. There was nothing to do in Mal's apartment except watch TV, and even that got boring after a few hours. I'd managed to tidy up the place a bit, but there wasn't much I could do. I glanced at Mal. His arms were crossed and his mouth was pulled down in a frown.

_What's wrong, Mal?_

"How are you feeling?"

I shook my head, giving him a small shove. _No, tell me what's wrong._

Mal sighed and scrubbed a hand down his face. "There was a hit and run downtown this morning. It was just a kid, a ten-year-old girl. She's in the ICU..." He trailed off, shaking his head. I knew Mal's niece was the same age, and I gently took his hand. _I'm so sorry._ I could feel my emotions flashing across my face. This was ridiculous. I needed to tell him what I was trying to say. My expression were twisted, confused, and I knew they would never understand what I was trying to say. I opened my mouth, glowering in frustration when I choked, the rope back around my neck.

"Are you okay?" Amy said, rising slightly. I nodded and touched her arm, but frowned. I was supposed to be comforting _them, _not the other way around. I swore to myself, berating myself for not being able to tell them what I wanted to say. I forced my mouth into a small half-smile. Captain Yeong was right. I wasn't ready to come back yet.

_Goodbye, guys._

I left the station without looking back.


	6. Chapter 6

AN: Alrighty. This chapter will still be in Natara's POV cause really, there's not much more that I can write in Mal's POV anymore. Also, this is coming to an end soon... I think maybe one more chapter after this and then an epilogue?

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><p>The building loomed in front of me as I leaned against my car, casting a shadow that seemed to go on forever. I stared at the building of my nightmares. Police tape crisscrossed in front of the door, warning people to stay out.<p>

I was going to ignore that warning.

I had to, if I was going to get past this. I ducked under the tape and entered the small, cramped hallway. Each of my feet felt as if they had been weighed down with cinder blocks, but I forced myself to keep going. Part of my mind was screaming at me, telling me to just turn around and get out of here **_NOW_** and never look back. But another part of my mind, the more rational and focused part, realized the necessity of this visit.

I felt my hands begin to tremble as I found the room I had been imprisoned in. It was much smaller than I remembered it being. I quickly looked away from the bloodstains on the floor, hand over my mouth. They were so large; it didn't seem physically possible for a person to lose that mush blood and still be alive.

I spun away from the room and continued deeper into the apartment. It got more and more difficult to force myself to keep walking with every step. The last time I had been down this hall...

I eventually stumbled across the large room I had been tortured in. I clenched and unclenched my hands, trying to make them stop shaking. I could barely find it in me to take a step forward. I was several steps into the room when the memories broke free of the barrier that I had worked so hard to create.

_"You'll wish you'd never decided to investigate me, Williams." _I flinched as I remembered the kiss of the cold knife against my back, the pain no longer feeling like a memory. I clutched my head between my fists as I slowly sank to the ground, crushed by the weight of pain and terror.

_"You didn't tell them where you were going, did you?" _I could see Miller's cold smirk right in front of me again. _"Otherwise they would've been here by now. They have no idea where you are. Oh, Natara. They'll never find you. You're all mine." No. No, please..._

I should never have come here.

This was a mistake.

I pushed against the floor, too weak to stand without help anymore. I needed to get out of here, right now. Mal's face appeared in my mind, his hopefulness for my recovery, his concern for me when I tried and failed to speak. I let him down.

_You will not win. _I opened my mouth to say the words, gasping when the rope returned.

_You will not win. You will not win. You will not win._

_"You're mine, Agent. They'll never find you, never hear from you ever again. They'll never find your body."_

_You will not win. You will not win! _The rope was pulled tighter than ever before as my mouth tried to form the words. _"Go ahead, Agent. Try and say something now." _The panic and fear gripped my entire body, making me tremble and shake. My hands groped at my neck, trying to loosen the rope that, logically, I knew wasn't there.

_You will not win! You will not win! _I tried to speak again, barely noticing how close I was to hyperventilating. _You will not win!_ The rope was tight, much to tight. I couldn't breathe! _No! You will not win!_

_Senan laughed as he heard the closest thing to a scream that I could manage. "Pity. It seems like our star agent won't be telling us any more stories."_

_No! You will not win! You will not win!_

"You will not win!"

I froze as I heard the whisper-soft words come out of my mouth. I was still shaking from fatigue and fear, still crouched in the middle for the room. I opened my mouth again, half-expecting the rope to return. "You will not win."

I managed to get over to the wall and slowly stood with its assistance, glancing all around the room, testing the memories. They were still there, alright, but they weren't so bad as to incapacitate me once more. I knew the nightmares wouldn't stop, not for a while. But I also recognized that I had overcome a huge hurdle.

"You will not win!" The words came out stronger this time. My success gave me new energy, and I began walking back towards the door. I could feel the memories hovering around me in the air, like ghosts, but none came crashing down on me, stealing my breath. I pushed off the wall and walked back out the door and ducked underneath the police tape again. I paused long enough to look back over my shoulder, a smile forming on my lips as I said, "You did not win."


	7. Chapter 7

AN: Last chapter guys! Also in Natara's POV. Epilogue will be in Mal's.

PS I'm going to steal part of a speech from one of my favorite episodes of one of my favorite shows. Just letting you all know that I don't own it.

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><p>"Natara!" I looked up as Amy called my name, annoyance written clearly all over her face. It was an expression I recognized easily. I strode over to where she and Kai were sitting.<p>

"Don't believe anything she says!" Kai blurted. Amy glared at him before turning back to me.

"You remember when Kai installed The Sims on all of the crime lab computers, right?" I nodded. "And you remember how I forced him to un-install it?" I nodded again. "Well guess what just made a reappearance."

"You can't prove it was me!"

"Who else would put it on there? Natara, please make him take it down and _keep it that way_!" Amy gave him a small shove before crossing her arms and turning back to me.

I sighed before speaking. "Kai, you know that using those computers for anything other than police work is illegal, right?"

Kai's eyebrows shot up and Amy clapped a hand over her mouth. The entire station grew quiet and seemed to pause. From the corner of my eye, I even saw Joe Bartaugh drop a stack of files he'd been carrying. Everyone seemed to be in shock, and they had a good reason; it had been a month since they'd heard me say anything.

"She's right, Kai," Amy said. "She could technically have you arrested." I nodded. Kai frowned, then slowly marched off towards the crime lab. Amy hugged me quickly before taking off after him. I laughed and shook my head, turning to leave the station. There was one more thing I had to do.

I paused with my hand on the doorknob. What I had done at the station was easier. It was lighter, a promise to everyone that I was back and that I was better. They wouldn't have to deal with the side effects of regaining my speech. They wouldn't have to witness my nightmares now that they would be able to break free of their silent confines. Mal would.

Just thinking of what I was about to do sent my heart racing. My stomach was doing strange little flips as I twisted the knob and pushed the door in. I could hear the TV broadcasting the news and popcorn popping in the kitchen. I walked around the corner and stood in the doorway, watching Mal pour the popcorn into a bowl. I smiled slightly; it was the only thing he knew how to cook besides toast.

"Hey, Mal," I said, making sure he could hear me.

Mal spun around, eyes wide. "Natara..." A small smile formed on his lips as he picked up the bowl filled with popcorn, stepping towards me. "Can I interest you in some popcorn?" I took a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves.

"Listen, Mal, this entire ordeal for the past month really opened my eyes to so many things, especially about the two of us. I know that things between us have been... a little complicated. And there have probably been a couple of mixed signals, mostly from me, with regards to the time that we spend together both during work and outside of the line of duty-"

"Look, Natara y-"

"Can you just let me finish stumbling through this? I'm almost done, I promise." I sighed. "What I'm saying is that I think maybe the best things, the richest things, aren't supposed to come easily. And that sometimes the moments that make the most sense happen when everything else doesn't. And, well, I think you deserve more than popcorn tonight." I reached out and gently took the bowl of popcorn from him, setting it to the side. "So why don't you let me take you to dinner?" I searched his face for any trace of emotion but, for once, I couldn't tell what he was thinking.

"Special Agent Williams, are you asking me out on a date?" he asked slowly, his face still unreadable.

"I- I think I am," I smiled gently. "A proper one."

"Wow," he whispered, leaning back against the counter. He crossed his arms and closed his eyes. "Wow." My smile evaporated instantly. He didn't want to go, I realized. I'd spent all that time building up my courage, and now it didn't even matter.

"I... This was a mistake. I'm so sorry," I said quickly, turning to flee the room. His hand caught my upper arm and pulled me back to face him.

"No!" he exclaimed. "No, it's fine. It's just, it was a shock. Not only to hear the words that I'd been waiting to hear for quite a while, but to hear you say them out loud instead of writing them was just... wow." I slowly lifted my eyes to meet his. He smiled down at me and I couldn't help but smile back.

"What I meant to say was, I'd love to go to dinner with you."

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><p><strong>YAAAAAAYYYYYYY! THEY'RE TOGETHER! Haha cookies to anyone who can correctly guess the show where Natara's little speech came from.<strong>


	8. Chapter 8

AN: Epilogue time!

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><p>I reared back and kicked in the door. It splintered and swung in, hitting the wall with a bang, and I rushed into the apartment. Natara was right beside me, gun trained on the suspect.<p>

"SFPD! Freeze!" I bellowed. The suspect bolted into the next room, throwing over a small bookcase as he went. We took off after him, hopping nimbly over the case. We followed him out the window and down the fire escape, staying hot on his heels. He sprinted through the alley, tipping over garbage cans as he went.

"Stop running, dammit!" I yelled.

"Screw you!" I threw myself to the ground as a garbage can lid came flying my way.

"What are you doing?" Natara shrieked at me. "Catch him!" We quickly followed him around the corner and onto the crowded sidewalk. I charged ahead until I was right behind him and then leapt at him, grabbing him by the waist and slamming us both into the pavement.

"Martin King, you are under arrest for the murder of Cody Mathers," I said as I cuffed him. I hoisted him up to his feet as Natara caught up to me.

"You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can be held against you in the court of law. You have the right to an attorney; one will be appointed to you if you cannot afford one," she recited. Another officer came and took him down to the station, and Natara immediately rounded on me as soon as we were alone.

"What the hell were you doing back in that alley?" she demanded with a frown.

"Trying not to get hit with a trashcan lid?" I smirked. She shoved me backwards.

"You almost let him get away!" she exclaimed, shoving me again.

"Did not." I caught her arms as she went to shove me for a third time. "Are you mad at me because I 'almost let him get away'? Or is it because I ate the last of the ice cream last night and didn't share with you?" I grinned when she just scowled at me. "That's what I thought."

"You're a fat-headed jerk, you know that?" she muttered.

"Well, you're a know-it-all control freak."

"Well you're a-" I captured her lips in a kiss before she could continue her sentence, smiling into it as she kissed me back. I took her left hand and grazed my thumb over her engagement ring.

It was hard at first, for her to deal with everything. She would wake up screaming almost every night; on those nights I would just hold her and rock back and forth until it passed. If anyone resembled Miller even the slightest bit, she would avoid them at almost any cost. On bad days she wouldn't be able to hold off the memories, and she would be unfocused and emotional for the entire day.

She still suffered from nightmares, even after almost a year. They were becoming less and less frequent, but there were still nights when she would wake up in a cold sweat and I would have to calm her down and reassure her that everything was fine until she fell asleep again.

People on the outside might think that there was too much baggage that came with living with her. And I'll admit that there were some days when it seemed overwhelming. But there were also the little things that reminded me of why I fell in love with her in the first place: the way she needed two towels when she took a shower. The way she needed to walk on the right side. Her passion for her work, and her fiery temper, even.

"I'm still mad at you," she stated. I smiled even wider and kissed her again quickly.

"That's fine," I grinned. "You can be mad at me all you want. Just wait 'til later, when you see what I have planned. Let's see if you're still mad at me then, huh?" I kissed her cheek and then began to walk away.

"Later?" I heard her ask. "What's later? What do you have planned? Mal, you know I don't like surprises. Are you even listening to me? Mal!"


End file.
